A Gentle Answer

Good Monday morning!

This weekend I made another investment into my new business, WordCount. I purchased Microsoft’s FrontPage, a web design software. On Friday night I confidently walked into the office supply to purchase my upgrade. Though MS Professional Office Suite didn’t include FrontPage, it was the most comprehensive version, so I was under the impression from the earlier reading that it wasn’t required in this case to purchase the upgrade only.

Still, I read the back of the box again just to make sure. Yep, I had a prior version of a Microsoft Suite so I wouldn’t need to buy the full version. The clerk seemed a little concerned that I was so confident about the upgrade. Are you sure all you need is the upgrade? You can’t return opened software. Yes, I’m sure, I said. Well, okay, then and she rung up my purchase.

About an hour later, I called another office supply store and asked how much they charged for the FrontPage upgrade. Just seemed after I’d left that first store, I remembered seeing at another for about $30 less. The man returns with a price check. I was right. So, I decide to return it the next day to the one store, and purchase it at the other. Thank you, Lord. So grateful I hadn’t opened the box.

But before I’d hung up, the clerk says to me, are you sure you want the upgrade only? Same hesitation as the gal in the other store. Yes, I’m very sure, and then I explain why it is I’m so sure. He challenges a bit, but I say thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.

The next day, I head out to the second store to purchase my FrontPage upgrade. The clerk comes up to me and asks if I’m finding everything all right. Yes, thank you. Just need to get the FrontPage upgrade. He asks me if I have a prior version of FrontPage on my computer. No, I say, but that’s okay because I have the MS Professional Suite and that’s sufficient criteria for buying the upgrade. I don’t need the full version. He challenges. I state my reason once again.

But, Ma’am, if you discover you’ve bought the wrong one after you’ve broken the seal on the box, you can’t return it. Yes, I understand this. But as I’ve said, I know I only need the upgrade. Again, I repeat my reason.

Are you the one who called last night? he asks.

Again, he expresses his concern and again I try to tell him he has no reason to be concerned. He points to the criteria on the box, and I said, yes, see, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I meet this criteria!

But look, there’s more, he says, and he reads the next line.

Realization! The young clerk is absolutely right! I am wrong. I do need the full version! Talk about fine print. Yikes!

That’s why he was so persistent. Didn’t matter how many times I explained to him why I was right, he knew I was wrong. So here I’ve put this kid, maybe 21, in the position of not wanting to argue with the customer, trying to be respectful to me. Yet he knew full well I was about to walk out of the store with this upgrade and would soon be kicking myself for spending all this money for a product that wouldn’t do me a bit of good but now I couldn’t return.

Thank you so much, I say again. I tell him I’m not normally a stubborn person, I’m really not. I was just so sure you were wrong, I say. That’s okay, he says. I just didn’t want you to take it home and then realize you couldn’t use it.

Nice kid.

Told him I so appreciated him standing up to me so respectfully, knowing I thought he was wrong. That’s a tricky thing to do. Can’t remember how I put it exactly, but he understood my point. He saved me a lot of money. Well, I ended up spending twice as much because I did need the full version, but I would have spent even more than that had he not persisted.

I was still thinking about this when another incident happened yesterday. Through a particular e-mail exchange on a public forum, I witnessed someone handle a situation poorly. This individual’s comments should have been made privately but he chose to make them publicly. His careless words caused significant discomfort and sadness for many on this forum for several hours following.

Though entirely different situations, these two examples reminded me of a critical component of graceful, artful communication: When I’m tempted to speak and I know my words could potentially cause conflict, what’s my motivation in doing so? If I genuinely have the other person’s well being in mind, then I must be willing to endure the uneasiness that may follow—just as the store clerk did with me.

Conversely, if I’m just speaking my mind to make me feel better—to get something off my chest—this is not acceptable. As a Christian, I simply do not have the luxury to spout off whatever I want at will. I do believe that honestly is the best policy. And yet our goal in being honest should be to strengthen our relationships with others. If our “honesty” only creates havoc with no redemptive purpose in mind, then we best just keep out mouths shut, me thinks.

Have a great Monday all!

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,
But the mouth of fools spouts folly …
A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:1,2, 4 NAS)