Faith and Flashlights

Happy first day of June. Wow! If I have any readers out there who just graduated or are about to graduate from high school or college, congratulations! I still haven’t put away my Christmas cards and now it’s June.

In some ways, I feel like I am walking in the dark right now. Last week, I suspected God was about to close a door to a specific job opportunity that I thought He had just opened. I had two significant reservations about this position, yet there was a wonderfully unique aspect to it. I genuinely felt this might be the direction God now wanted to take me in light of recent insights He had given me.

Well, I didn’t get the job. I was disappointed but also relieved. Perhaps those reservations were more notable than I’d even considered. When I thought I might be offered the job, I began this paradigm shift immediately. I thought about purchasing a new wardrobe or whether that would even be necessary. Maybe I should change the oil on the car today, maybe get my hair cut, just in case I started next week

Then I got the news. After I spent a while licking my wounds, I realized what was most disappointing was not that I hadn’t been offered the job. Rather, it was not knowing what God was doing in life next after all.

Again.

Thing is, I do have clear direction for how I’m spending this whole day, even through the end of the week. So to say I don’t have direction is not entirely true. It just feels like I don’t have direction. I’m not the kind of gal who wants to know what’s way down the road. Generally I’m okay with God dispensing information to me on a need-to-know basis. Yet I’m so ready to receive a peek into God’s long-term direction. Yes, I know what I’m to do next. I’m just not sure about next week.

Fact is, if I need to know something, God will tell me. If He withholds information or He imparts information, it’s all for my good and His glory. He’s not a tease and He doesn’t set His children up. So here’s my take on last week:

For some reason, God decided it was worth it for me to get dressed, head out for this interview, do my best, think I might have the job, realize I don’t, be sad for one set of reasons, be relieved for another set, and then go through the exercise of letting the job go entirely and moving on to what He clearly has for me today. I’ve done that, I’m happy to say. Good thing. I need my energy for new tasks before me!

I thought of this analogy. I love to camp, though I’m not crazy about making the trek from my campsite to the restroom late at night when it’s pitch black except for the moon. So I grab my flashlight and turn it all the way so the light casts a large circle in front of me opposed to a smaller one if you only turn it slightly.

As I choose to trust God when I just don’t know understand what’s going on around me, it’s like turning on my flashlight fully. His Word becomes a light to my path and lamp to my feet in the darkness. And yet, no matter how efficiently I’m using that flashlight, I’m still only going to be able to take one step at a time. It’s dark outside and I need to walk carefully.

There have been seasons in my life that I’ve walked with great clarity. I knew exactly what came next. This season evidently isn’t one of them. So what if I can’t rattle off where I hope I’ll be in six months from now? Or five years from now? I do know what I’m up to in the most important way: In six months from now, I plan on being more firmly established in the grace of God and loving Him even more than I do today! And as far as any decisions I need to make? Well, as I spend time with the Lord, meditating on His Word, He will give me the wisdom and discernment to make them.

I must not feel like I’m doing something wrong when my “flashlight appears only so bright.” God’s not asking me to try to figure out anything. God does not play games with His children and He’s certainly not “playing me.” He loves me. Circumstances may appear confusing but God Himself is not a God of confusion.

I know this to be true. There are so many aspects of my life right now that are quite exciting. Some too personal to share. But God is good and He is taking very good care of me. I’ve got no complaints. A few trials, yes, but no complaints.

Please tell me some of you can relate to some of what I’ve shared!

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. (Isaiah 50:10 NIV)