Loving on My Terms

Good Wednesday morning. Thanks to those of you who continue to post comments. I love reading them. A special thanks to Tanya who shared a bit about her sweet cousin, Jennifer, who went to be with the Lord one week ago.

I’ve been thinking about how easy it is for us mortals to express love in a way that really meets our needs above the needs of the recipient. I know I’ve been guilty of this, though I don’t mean to. My love is genuine and I do want to please the one to whom I’m giving. What I’m offering might even be sacrificial, costing much time or money. Nevertheless, it can still be self serving.

My mom taught me this lesson first. She was a wonderful woman but did she ever know how to not mince words. Decades later, I recall the conversation well.

While home from college one weekend, I decided to invite my mother to lunch. I’d never done that before and it seemed like a really nice thing to do. She’s always so good to me; I wanted to show my gratitude.

“Thanks, Gayle, that’s nice of you.” Her eyes brighten. “But you know what I’d really like to do?”

“What’s that, Mom?” I already knew.

“Would you please take me to the garage sales I’ve circled in the newspaper?”

Now few things brought my mom greater pleasure than garage sale hunting on a Saturday morning – especially when she could get there early before they were picked over. She didn’t drive and was dependent on my dad to take her. Since I was home, she knew I could take her. Except I hated garage sales, at least back then.

So, again I say, “I’d really like to take you to lunch, Mom.”

The newspaper drops to her side, an air of frustration washing over her. “If you want to take me to lunch, Gayle, I’ll go. But if you really want to make me happy, you’ll take me to these garage sales.”

My heart sank. Her words stung. I got it. She wasn’t rude – she just cut right to the heart of the matter. I was doing what I wanted to do. And that was okay with her. But if it was my intention to give her a present, this is what she wanted.

I flew out of the house. Took my mom to every garage sale she’d circled and a few she hadn’t. We had a wonderful time, probably one of the best days I’d ever spent with her. I even enjoyed the garage sales though that was hardly the point.

I still recall the conviction. I really did want to please my mom. It’s just that I’d gotten a part time job on campus. Finally had a little money in my pocket. I wanted her to see I was “responsible.” That I was a grown up now. I wanted her to see I could take care of myself. Oh, I didn’t wake up thinking all that exactly, but it was somewhere in my brain and fueled my actions, I know.

Sometimes I’ll get a notion of how I think I could please God, what He might like for me to do for Him today. My impulse may be noble, yet God will have a different idea. His request might be difficult or time consuming. Or, He may surprise me. He may ask me to rest or take a long walk. The issue is to obey. To please Him on His terms not on mine.

God keeps showing me that it’s not the intensity of my sacrifice that necessarily makes Him smile. Rather, it’s my willingness to listen and obey Him in whatever He asks. It’s all about relationship.

It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found in loving obedience.
George Eliot

But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Obedience is far better than sacrifice. Listening to him is much better than offering the fat of rams. (1 Samuel 15:22, NLT)