When I Remember

Good Wednesday morning. Thanks to those of you who continue to post comments. I love reading them. A special thanks to Tanya who shared a bit about her sweet cousin, Jennifer, who went to be with the Lord one week ago.

I’ve been thinking about how easy it is for us mortals to express love in a way that really meets our needs above the needs of the recipient. I know I’ve been guilty of this, though I don’t mean to. My love is genuine and I do want to please the one to whom I’m giving. What I’m offering might even be sacrificial, costing much time or money. Nevertheless, it can still be self serving.

My mom taught me this lesson first. She was a wonderful woman but did she ever know how to not mince words. Decades later, I recall the conversation well.

While home from college one weekend, I decided to invite my mother to lunch. I’d never done that before and it seemed like a really nice thing to do. She’s always so good to me; I wanted to show my gratitude.

“Thanks, Gayle, that’s nice of you.” Her eyes brighten. “But you know what I’d really like to do?”

“What’s that, Mom?” I already knew.

“Would you please take me to the garage sales I’ve circled in the newspaper?”

Now few things brought my mom greater pleasure than garage sale hunting on a Saturday morning – especially when she could get there early before they were picked over. She didn’t drive and was dependent on my dad to take her. Since I was home, she knew I could take her. Except I hated garage sales, at least back then.

So, again I say, “I’d really like to take you to lunch, Mom.”

The newspaper drops to her side, an air of frustration washing over her. “If you want to take me to lunch, Gayle, I’ll go. But if you really want to make me happy, you’ll take me to these garage sales.”

My heart sank. Her words stung. I got it. She wasn’t rude – she just cut right to the heart of the matter. I was doing what I wanted to do. And that was okay with her. But if it was my intention to give her a present, this is what she wanted.

I flew out of the house. Took my mom to every garage sale she’d circled and a few she hadn’t. We had a wonderful time, probably one of the best days I’d ever spent with her. I even enjoyed the garage sales though that was hardly the point.

I still recall the conviction. I really did want to please my mom. It’s just that I’d gotten a part time job on campus. Finally had a little money in my pocket. I wanted her to see I was “responsible.” That I was a grown up now. I wanted her to see I could take care of myself. Oh, I didn’t wake up thinking all that exactly, but it was somewhere in my brain and fueled my actions, I know.

Sometimes I’ll get a notion of how I think I could please God, what He might like for me to do for Him today. My impulse may be noble, yet God will have a different idea. His request might be difficult or time consuming. Or, He may surprise me. He may ask me to rest or take a long walk. The issue is to obey. To please Him on His terms not on mine.

God keeps showing me that it’s not the intensity of my sacrifice that necessarily makes Him smile. Rather, it’s my willingness to listen and obey Him in whatever He asks. It’s all about relationship.

It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found in loving obedience.
George Eliot

But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Obedience is far better than sacrifice. Listening to him is much better than offering the fat of rams. (1 Samuel 15:22, NLT)

Good Monday morning.

I had a great weekend. Friday evening and Saturday I attended a Beth Moore conference in Spokane, WA. For those who are familiar with her teaching, you know the gal’s got spunk! Not to mention that southern accent! Though I wanted to go, I hadn’t planned on it. Then a friend of a new friend from Bible Study called to say there was a free ticket and if I could be ready in 45 minutes, she’d pick me up.

Flexibility is good. I shut down my computer, changed my clothes, grabbed an apple to eat, and headed out the door.

Now is God good or what? Had a fabulous time. God really ministered to me both days, especially on Saturday. I’ve been struggling with a few things and through Beth’s wonderful teaching from Scripture and her delightful and often humorous anecdotes, I left greatly encouraged. Perhaps I’ll share a little of what God showed me in future posts. Today I have the simplest thing on my mind.

I just can’t get used to God.

Just can’t get used to the way He thinks, the way He acts, the way He graciously treats me every day. No matter how long I know Him, or the better I know Him, no matter how long I observe the way He manages the affairs of men, I just can’t get used to how gracious He is.

I actually had a few things I planned on sharing right now but every time I try, the words just won’t come out. I think God just wants me to reflect on His goodness today. I know I’ve talked a lot lately about keeping my eyes focused squarely on Christ. I don’t just say this because it’s the “spiritual” thing to say. I say this because it’s the only thing I know to do to keep my head on straight.

See, just like most of you, it’s not just my own struggles that can weigh me down. It’s seeing those I love hurt. You know. Some friend, relative, neighbor, a stranger from church is going through a hard time. Health issues, loss of a loved one, financial hardships, broken relationships, etc. You just can’t live in this world without noticing that l can be a tough place.

And yet, Christ says in Him we can know a peace that passes all understanding. And as hard as things can get sometimes, if we abide in Him, we can live lives in joyful abundance. I know it can happen because I’ve experienced it. Am experiencing it now though I know there’s way more. Know it’s mine for the asking and the receiving. If I’ll just stay close to Christ.

God’s blessing today. I should mention something. As much as I love writing my blog, I realize that posting Monday through Friday a little more time consuming than I anticipated. So, starting today, I’ll be posting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Instead of posting intermittently and y’all not knowing when you should pop back, I do want to remain consistent.

Thanks for hanging with me. I’ll see you on Wednesday.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:8,9)

Yippee! It’s Friday!

Have you had a good week? This week’s been a bit loaded for me. If you read my blog from yesterday, you learned that a new friend of mine died unexpectedly. Other situations have tested my character this week, mostly in small ways, but some not so small. The Lord keeps reminding me that any thought that is not taken captive to Christ – that is, those thoughts that don’t line up with whatever is true, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8) – will cause destruction on some level. Could be as simple as going from a good mood to a bad one (and I’m not a moody person), or suddenly becoming anxious as I consider my circumstances. Taking my eyes off Christ even for a second is not a good thing.

I’ve been a Christian long enough to know this. Trials happen all the time. Some are small, others huge, and often they happen right in the middle of a lot of blessing and good things. God is always faithful to see me through. He doesn’t cause the hard times but He does allow them. Each is designed to make me stronger, build my faith in Him. Make me realize even more how dependent I am on Him and see that depending on Jesus Christ is a very safe place to be. God chooses both the duration and the intensity. Won’t be a second longer than necessary and won’t be more than I can handle by His grace. Oh, some circumstances definitely feel harder than I can handle but they really aren’t. Then when it’s served its purpose, poof! The trial will be over.

After 35 years of walking with Christ, I know this for a fact.

Several years ago, the Lord gave me a simple test to gauge my attitude in the middle of a trial. I call it the “Thank you or I’m sorry” test. I perform this little exercise routinely. Works like this: If God decided to bring whatever trial I’m facing to a screeching halt – end it right this minute – what would my first words to Him be?

A heartfelt “Thank you, Lord, I knew You would do it. I knew You would pull me through. You did it. Just like always. You were faithful. This was a tough one. I hated every moment of it, but I experienced Your mercy in the middle. I trusted You.”

Or –

“I’m sorry, Lord. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe You. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust You. My fears got the best of me. My unbelief won out. Please forgive me.”

We serve a God who is faithful even we are not. When I fall down, He brushes me off, tucks my shirt back in, and pats me on the bottom. “You’re okay, Gayle. Go on now.” But when the trial feels too much, He rocks me on His proverbial lap for awhile and dries my tears. Holds me until my fears subside and I can return to what I was doing.

I just want to rest in Christ. Believe Him not just believe in Him. My little test helps me. Like I said, I’m in the middle of something right now. So are you. Maybe lots of “somethings.”

If God were to bring your trial to an end right now, what would your first words to God be? Would you be able to run up to Him, throw your arms around His neck and say “Thanks, Daddy, I knew You would fix it. I knew You would make it better.”? Or would your first words have to be, “I’m sorry, Lord. Hate to admit it but I just didn’t think You were going to take care of me this time.”

God’s gonna love us either way. Our response won’t change that a bit. Still, I get to choose. Which will it be? Thanksgiving or repentance? I choose thanksgiving, right now. I will it so. For God is good and His ways are good. All the time.

Have a great weekend everybody. I’ll see you back on Monday.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men,
for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.
(Psalm 107:13-16)

Today I dedicate this entry to my new friend, Jennifer Mitchell. In His perfect wisdom and mercy, my Jesus—and Jen’s Jesus—chose to take her Home peacefully two evenings ago, Tues, 5/3. Jennifer had brain cancer. She was only 27.

I knew Jen only 21 days. We met three weeks ago on a Monday night at a Bible study we both had just joined. Really, I can’t even say I knew her three weeks. I only saw her the last three Monday nights, all together about five hours maybe. And out of those five hours, we couldn’t have visited more than 15 minutes. All the words exchanged between us couldn’t have added up to more than a couple of thousand, give or take a few.

That’s not a lot of time.

So I can’t say I knew Jennifer. Not really. Didn’t know her favorite color or food or hobby. Did she have siblings? Was she born in Idaho or move here later? Had she been a Christian a long time or not long at all? What made her laugh? What pushed her buttons? What was her favorite thing to do when alone? Or with others? Like I said, I didn’t know Jennifer.

Except I did. I know she loved Jesus!

Jen so radiated the love of Christ—that peace and joy that passes all understanding—you felt like you knew her. Everybody in class wanted to hang with her. Besides this wonderful childlike faith and just plain fun personality, Jen had another quality. If you asked her how she was feeling, she wouldn’t lie to you. She’d tell you the truth. Don’t feel well. Or, I’m a little down. Yet she still managed to keep that smile, those dancing eyes. You’d hurt with her and yet you’d laugh at the same time.

So how is it that I could say all this? I mean, when did I have the opportunity to get to know Jennifer when I’ve just admitted I didn’t know her? All I can say is Jennifer let you know her. At least that’s my take. She must have touched me. I sure have a lot to say about her now. Basically, Jen was just too cool for school.

And this might sound a little self-serving but I’m gonna share it anyway. Jen loved reading my blog. I started it the day I met her. She told me she’d check it out the next day. When I caught up with her the following Monday, she told me she’d read it every day and had told a lot of her friends. Even posted a link to my blog from her website. Said that reading it each morning had become one of her favorite things to do. Felt encouraged. Maybe she’d leave a comment, maybe not. But on Mondays she was sure quick to tell me how it blessed her.

With 10 billion websites and blogs a person can read every day, she picked mine. If nobody ever read another thing I wrote, God already gave me one of the nicest presents He’s ever given me. Written words to encourage a new friend the last couple of weeks of her life. God knows how humbled and honored I am by this. In fact, when I saw her Monday night—the last time I‘d ever see her this side of heaven—we gave each other a hug and she says, “Look forward to reading your blog tomorrow.”

How can I miss someone I just met? How does that work? When you’re as filled with Christ as Jennifer Mitchell was, it’s a no brainer. You’re drawn to her because she draws you to Christ.

Finally, since Jennifer posted this publicly on her website, I’d like to close by letting you get to know Jennifer a little yourself. She writes:

“. . . I have to share this with all of you…as hard as this journey has been for me, I have tried so very hard to do what God has wanted me to do, and I really feel that I have. Now, I really feel in limbo not knowing what he is going to do next, but I am ok with that. This is hard to explain, but maybe some of you can grasp it. Within the last few days I feel as if he has literally entered more than just my heart, I am so full of happiness, love, and peace it is unreal. There is no other way that someone going through what I am going through could say that if God wasn’t living in more than just their heart is there? I am thrilled with the smallest of things, and feel nothing but love love love for everyone! I feel like my heart is just overflowing and I can’t contain it. I know you’re probably all thinking it’s just the steroids Jen, but believe me, it’s not. I feel it, I feel Him! If this is even a fraction of the love he has for all of us then get ready people because it is awesome! It is like nothing you’ve ever felt before! He continues to work through me in undeniable and unbelievable ways, I pray and he tells me just what to do. I truly feel that I am serving him as much as I possibly can right now. I know he is proud of me and I also know that he is watching over me continuously. I continue to pray for time from him, also and I do think he will give me mercy and grace for what I still need to do here on His Earth. Honestly, this has been one of the most wonderful and beautiful experiences anyone could ever have through such a time of adversity and I am actually so thankful to Him. . . .”

— Jennifer “Jen” Mitchell, Wed, April 27, 2005

To family and friends of Jennifer, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. May you be comforted knowing that on her second full day of heaven, Jennifer is sitting on the lap of the One she loved so dearly … the one Who loves her still more.

Jennifer’s having a really, really good day today.

Blessings all.

“Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be Home Free.
Home Free, oh I’ve got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free.”
— Wayne Watson

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!'”
(Matthew 25:23)

Mid week already! Very busy day. And I have a lot on my mind.

Between drafting cover letters for various jobs and potential clients asking, “What do you do?” I’ve been reflecting on my present professional skills and those which I’m diligently learning. Also thinking about the gifts and talents God has blessed me with.

Started thinking about a particular trip to the grocery store to buy my favorite meatloaf mix. Checked the usual spot. None on the shelf. About then, a clerk walks by.

“Can I help you find something?”

“Yes, thanks. I’m looking for a meatloaf mix you always have right here.” I point to where it would normally be.

“I’m not familiar with that. Could you describe it?”

“Sure . . .”

Shaking his head he says, “I’m sorry. I don’t believe we have any in stock.”

As I start to walk away, I overhear a co-worker ask him, “What is she looking for?”

Hearing that, I approach the new clerk and say I’m looking for this particular meatloaf mix.

“Just a second.”

A few moments later he returns with several packets. “Is that enough? Want more? We had a box in the back but it hasn’t been put out yet.”

I thank him for the packets and merrily walk away. Then it occurred to me. The first clerk was pleasant, wanted to help me. But he was unfamiliar with this product, so he sent me away empty handed. The second clerk, more familiar with both the meatloaf mix and the quantity on hand, was able to get it for me.

As I continued shopping, I asked the Lord how well I knew my spiritual inventory? Do I ever send someone away because I think I have nothing to offer when in fact I do?

I’ve now made it a habit to consider this question periodically. Seems as a Christian, the more I understand and appreciate how much God has given to me through Jesus Christ, the greater blessing I can be to others. After all, if I’m aware of how much I have to offer, the more apt I’m willing to share. But if I think I don’t have anything to offer, I, like that grocery store clerk, will send the person away even though I could have met her need.

I don’t want to do that.

God never asks us to give what we don’t have, only what we do. And that’s a lot.

That’s what I’m “remembering” today.

Blessings all.

“Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. (Ephesians 1:3)