When I Remember

Howdy.

Been thinking how easy it is for me to get off track. I’m not talking about some major sin where my picture will soon grace the walls of the U.S. Post Office or I’ll wind up on 60 Minutes shielding my face, saying “No comment.” I’m just talking about the thoughts that fill my head on a daily basis and the way I choose to handle them. Any decision I make today, really, anything I do at all, will begin with a thought. Sometimes the most innocuous ideas can pop into my head. Yet if I’m not careful, seems before too long, I’ve strayed off course. Reminds me of a story.

Once while returning home to Seattle from a weekend visit with a friend in Forks, Washington, a sign announcing “Marymere Falls” caught my eye. Though a two-hour drive and one-hour ferry ride stretch before me, I pull into the Ranger Station. I seldom make it over to the Olympic Peninsula and knew it would be a while before I’d return. I check my watch and pull into the park. I’ll just see how far the trail is down to the falls. One mile. Easy enough. Before I know it, I’ve begun my descent down.

Now I have a rule about hiking alone. Won’t do it. But this wasn’t a “hike,” you see? This is a short easy walk. No need for my jacket or water. Warm summer day and even with the cool mist off the water, I know I’ll be fine. Won’t linger. Just want to take a quick peek. I figure I’ll be back on the road in an hour easy.

I wind down the path, keeping pace with several folks ahead, sometimes passing them. Several others pass me on their way back up. In just a few moments, I stand at the base of the falls, basking in its pristine beauty, refreshed by the cool mist on my face. Too soon, I begin my ascent back to my car.

Blue sky, not even a hint of rain. The weekend with my friend has been terrific. Now God lavishes upon me this final sweet surprise before heading home. Captivated by these beautiful wooded surroundings, carefree and utterly gleeful, I obliviously walk right by the trail head. I’m singing familiar praise choruses, strolling along. Don’t even notice that none pass me on the trail in either direction. I’m in my own world. I don’t even know I’m in my own world. I don’t realize that I just crossed a stream or cross it again a little while later. Or was that the third time? How can I not know or care? Worse, it doesn’t even dawn on me that I should be back in the parking lot by now.

What can I say? I was really having fun and in unprecedented fashion, literally lost track of the time. Finally, I glance at my watch for the first time since arriving. Yikes! The sun will set within the hour. A tinge of fear creeps in. I keep walking, erroneously hoping the trail will most likely form a loop, circling back to the trail head. My logic grows increasingly suspect when each switchback becomes steeper and more frequent, ushering me deeper into the woods. Time for me to turn around. Now I am afraid!

Wearing only a T-shirt and shorts, I feel my first chill. The temperature’s dropping quickly. And now my throat is dry. Awfully thirsty. When did this nature walk down to the falls become a hike? I panic. I’ve got to get off this mountain. God, I need to keep my wits about me. Adrenaline pumping, I race down the mountain, nearly tripping over a tree stump. Frightened at the thought of injury up there alone, I breathe deeply and slow my pace.

I shriek with relief when I finally see the trail head leading up to the parking lot – the one missed hours before. Thank you, thank you, Lord. I sing over and over. “Oh, Lord, you heard my cry and You set my foot on the rock of salvation. Put a new song in me, praises to rescue me, many will see and know the God of delight . . .”

Nearly dark, I arrive back at the Ranger Station exhausted but relieved. I wonder if I’ve made the Park Ranger nervous when he left for home with that one lonely car left in the parking lot. Dehydrated, I guzzle the two bottles of water stored in my ice chest and pull out on to the road. My muscles are tight. I don’t feel so hot.

Over the next three hours back to Seattle, keep thanking the Lord for protecting me from harm. How did this happen? As I finally sank into bed, I set my alarm to get up for work. Midnight. My sleep is fitful. Every few minutes, all night long, I keep waking up. I dream I’m lost up on that mountain and no one can find me. Praise wells up inside me again when I wake up. Realize I’m safe and sound. Thank you, Jesus! I know I broke every rule I have about hiking. Every rule.

So there you have it. Sometimes I know the wise thing to do but just forget. Before I know it, I have wandered from safe pasture.

At least I’m in good company. In the Psalms, one man confessed that as much as he loved God and hadn’t forgotten his commands, he, too, still managed to stray sometimes. I wish I didn’t. Straying can be dangerous. But how comforting to know that God knows his children intimately and lovingly seeks us when we lose our way. We’re never out of his sight.

I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.
(Psalm 119:176)

Good Monday morning. Hope y’all had a terrific weekend.

These days, for the most part, I’m working out of my home primarily. Don’t have to contend with the morning and afternoon rush hour traffic – at least for now. But since it’s Monday and that means many will be headed back to work, I started thinking about “Road Rage.” You know. Drivers succumbing to fits of rage, acting crazy, venting life’s frustration as soon as they get behind the wheel.

Many of us have relayed our occasional perilous trip into work while gathering with coworkers to grab our first cup of coffee before our day begins. I know I have. Must confess – well I don’t have to, but I will. I’ve honked my horn a time or two at someone darting in front of me, not even bothering to signal. Worse is when someone tail gaits. Happened all the time during the ten years I lived in Nashville. So many times I’d look through my rear view mirror and think, Yikes, he’s gonna hit me, I just know it.

I suspect that traveling the highways and byways of America must be one of God’s favorite classrooms by now. He has taught me a great deal about keeping my eyes focused on Him. After all, from the time we first learned to drive, whether formal driver education or from our parents, we all heard one thing: “Keep your eyes on the road.”

Seems simple enough – until l like I said, someone begins tail gaiting. I’m in the slow lane, going the speed limit, maybe even a little faster (did I just admit that, too?), minding my own business. But the moron behind me is going faster still. Already need to repent, I know. Just called this “gentleman” a moron!

I grow increasingly agitated. But really, I’m just afraid. If I have to even tap on my brake suddenly, he’s going to slam into me. Now I’m distracted. Anxious. Now I’m paying more attention to what he is doing that to what I am doing. I’ve taken my eyes off the road.

Fact is, I have no control over what this driver behind me does. The best I can do is try to compensate for his foolishness. Make sure I maintain ample distance between me and the car ahead. Then if he does hit me, there’s less chance that I will ram into the car in front of me. But if continue my preoccupation with the car behind me, I may be the one to actually cause an accident!

Can’t you see it? I rear end the lady in front of me because I’m upset about the guy behind me. We both pull over to the side. All the while, I’m grumbling this is his fault, not mine.

Really?

And guess who soars by me free as a bird? You got it. The car that “caused” my accident. Now how am I supposed to explain to this woman I’ve just hit that it wasn’t my fault but the guy behind me? Think she’ll care? Even if I could prove it was this other car’s fault, so what? He’s long out of sight.

I can come up with 50 reasons why this accident shouldn’t be my fault. In the end, like it or not, I’m going to have to accept the fact that it wasn’t him who hit anybody. It was me.

Reminds me of journey as a Christian. I don’t want to concern myself with anything that will distract me from my single-minded devotion to Christ. So easy to allow my failures, disappointments, fears, insecurities— you name it — to get my focus off of Him on to something else that in the end will only cause me grief.

God knows how it happens. He doesn’t get “mad at us” when we get distracted. He loves us. Do you think police officers don’t understand how easily fender benders happen? Someone was driving a little too fast or a little too reckless or maybe just wasn’t paying attention just for a moment. As for God, no one will ever understand us better than He! He knows how spiritual “fender benders” happen. Just wants to see us avoid them is all.

Surest way I know for that to happen is simply keeping my heart and mind focused on Him – through His Word and through prayer.

Think I’ll keep my eyes on the road today – the one that leads to freedom.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)

Good Friday morning.

I did it. Made it through my second full week of blogging. Jen, thanks so much for your kind words. I’m glad I make your heart smile. That sounds like something I might say.

Posting five days a week is proving to be a most interesting exercise for me. I think all but two days, including today, I have sat down at my computer not having a clue what I would share. I pray. I read my Bible. I muse. And then I sit and start to write. Start tapping on the ole keys. I soon scrap one idea and move on to another. Write a few sentences. Thoughts begin to take shape. Oh, this is good. But then suddenly it doesn’t seem so hot. Or maybe it is but it’ll take a whole lot longer than I have at the moment . So, I set it aside for another day. I try to think of something short. Simple. Quick.

I don’t seem to think short thoughts. Definitely not a quick writer. That’s okay. All the while I’m writing – like now – I’m reflecting on my theme, “When I Remember.” Suddenly I’m reflecting on something of God’s character, His attributes, His work in my life and those around me. Reminded of His love, His goodness, His kindness . . . even His discipline. For this stems from His kindness as well.

Beautiful day in Coeur d’ Alene. A dear friend – a long-time friend from Seattle – came for a visit yesterday and will be with me through the afternoon. We have a lot of history, Terri and I. We attended the same church for years in Seattle. Often hiked and camped at Mt. Rainier before I moved to Tennessee. She hates coffee. Loves tea. I hate tea, love coffee. But what sweet fellowship we’ve shared over the last fifteen years or so as we sit across from one another, pouring out our hearts and our lives. Catching up, yet ever surprised how little it takes.

Hearts knit together through so many seasons, both literally and figuratively. We just don’t need to say a lot to feel heard. Understood. My friend is a treasure.

Among the most blessed aspects of close friends is they see how you’ve matured in Christ. I don’t see it sometimes. “Almond Days” remind me of my weakness, my shortcoming, my propensity to sin, to falter. And yet, I know that all this proves I’ll never stop needing a Savior.

But a friend sees how I’ve grown. Even in my weakness, she sees my desire to grow more like Christ. She sees that I am not in the same place I was the last time we saw each other – even if the last place was a good place. She sees the value in the struggles I’ve faced even when I’m hard pressed to see them at the moment. I may be still struggling in such and such an area, but she says, “Remember when you used to –?” I say the same to her.

Well, I could write about this all day – that is, the gift of a friend. But I must run. She and I are headed out the door to play.

Have a great weekend all. See you back on Monday.

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9)

Howdy.

Thursday already. Thanks for sharing your dream, Peggy! That sounds like a cool cover! You are so right. Jesus does know our deepest pleasures and joys. I’d like to scoot a big red chair next to yours, my friend. Thanks to those of you who have posted to me privately, too.

This morning I’m working on a project for a new client. Thoroughly enjoying myself. Makes me wonder if God really might grow this job into full time? Not close to that yet, but I’m closer than I was a couple of months ago. It’s not just that I’m getting more work. I’m thinking more as an entrepreneur, which is entirely new to me. I keep looking for full time jobs and yet for the first time I’m more open to part time. But not any part time. And not any full time. The “mix” is becoming increasingly important. If a job pays well but is far away, that takes from time I could be building Word Count. But then there are the benefits.

If I work part time, there are not the benefits but could be closer to home. Maybe learn new skills. Just don’t know. With each passing day, I gain new insight. In the process, my goals and objectives are shifting somewhat. I’m doing all I know to do. I ask God for wisdom. Through His Word, through the wise counsel of others. And in the middle of it all, I continue to precede the best I know how.

Thinking about all this, I’m reminded of a situation many years ago.

Visiting with my friends one Saturday afternoon, they decide to teach me a new card game. Nancy explains how we were to judge how many “tricks” we could take based on our hand. And this was dictated in part by how many trump cards we each had. Nancy was my partner and I was the last one to bid.

The number I bid was exceedingly high. Too high.

“Gayle, do you understand?” Nancy asked. “We all just said we can take X number of tricks. By bidding that number, you’re saying the tricks we think we will take, you will take instead. That could happen but rarely does.”

“Yes, I understand. Didn’t elaborate.

Fiercely competitive, a look of resignation immediately washed over Nancy’s face, her expression telling. If you knew what you were doing, Gayle, you wouldn’t bid that way. We’re gonna lose this hand big time.

While I didn’t appreciate her lack of confidence, I understood. This was only our third hand. I wasn’t experienced yet. I was smart enough to know this: I wasn’t about to alleviate Nancy’s anxiety at the expense of revealing to our opponents that I indeed had a very good hand.

“You must have a really good hand, Gayle, that’s all I have to say.”

I smile slightly. Say nothing.

Each time we went around the table, I’d lay my card down. I had so many trump cards in my hand, I was taking their kings and aces right and left. Soon it became evident. I did have an extraordinarily good hand. Every trick I said I’d take, I did. Every one.

At the end of the hand, Nancy’s happy but mostly shocked. ”Wow. “You knew your hand.”

What a picture of God! Through His Word, through His Holy Spirit, through my daily experience He tells me. ”I’m going to do this in your life, Gayle. I know you can’t see it, but I will do it.”

I want to believe that God knows what He’s doing just like my friend wanted to believe me. The difference, of course, is obvious. Nancy had reason to be nervous since I’d never played this card game. God is the Creator of the Universe. He made the Game. He made me. I can trust Him.

Still I’ll admit it. God does make me nervous sometimes. I can’t see what He sees. Looks like I could lose. I consider present circumstances in my own life and I become anxious. I see greater hardship among my loved ones and the world at large and think, it’s just too much. Too much sorrow. Too much evil. Too much brokenness. Yes, I see God working. But could His “Hand” possibly be so good to bring good out of all of it?

Yes! Always yes! God promises. He will make all things beautiful in its time. Everything is in control.

I remember that day well, even 25 years ago now. God showed me a glimpse of life from His perspective. The look on Nancy’s face – a picture of me. The confidence I felt – a picture of God. No wonder I’ve never forgotten. I remember Nancy’s look of distrust. I remember my excitement, knowing we would win. But I couldn’t tell Nancy that. Just like God can’t tell us sometimes. She’d known soon enough.

So will we.

All God’s cards are “trump cards.” He always has and always will have the first and last word. Have a great day!

Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
(Isaiah 46:9)

Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.
(Isaiah 50)

Mid week already. How y’all doing?

I had this scary thought this morning. I hope you don’t think I entertain these long, deep thoughts every moment of the day. Actually I have been told I am a “deep thinker.” I don’t know about that. All I know is a thought pops into my head and I start thinking about it. My sweet friend, Patricia, in Costa Rica tells me I “put her to think.” That does makes me smile.

Today I have a full day and must get started. Yet as this day begins, I’ve been pondering this new dream I have. I actually had it about 12 years ago but forgot about it. Yesterday I thought about it again after all this time. Given the way some things are playing out in my life right now, I could see this happening in a few years. Now if it could, would I really want it? Don’t know. I’m not sure how serious I am about it. Cool thing is there’s nothing I’m doing right now that would prevent this dream from happening. So, I don’t have to decide.

So easy to start wondering what others would think. Some would probably say it was a great idea. Knowing me well, my interests, strengths, gifts – how far God has brought me already – they’d say, “Yea, I can see you doing that.” Others might not be so excited. They’d be quick with the “What abouts?” “What about this? What about . . . ?” Thing is, I’m really good at thinking about the “What abouts?” By the time I take the risk of voicing a dream at all, God’s already emboldened me with a certain confidence to believe it could happen. Otherwise I won’t bring it up at all.

Do you have a dream? Maybe you used to but stopped believing it could happen a long time ago. Maybe it can’t happen, at least the way you originally envisioned it. I’ve discovered for me personally that what I do with a dream reveals a lot about what I really believe about God – opposed to what I wished I believed. Or should believe. Dreams involve our deepest feelings and desires. And for anyone who’s had a broken dream – and I am pretty sure that is all of us – you know. Sometimes the sting can last for a long, long time. And if you dare to dream at all again, chances are, you’ll most likely keep it to yourself. Sometimes it can feel too scary to even tell God. Yea, He knows. Of course, He know. Point is, you’re not talking to Him about it. I’ve done that.

In future blogs I may explore this with you future. For now, I’d sure be interested in your thoughts on this. That is, what you do when God gives you a cool vision for your future – maybe even way down the road. Pray about it? Blow it off? Think it’d be a waste of time to try? Dig in and say, “Let’s go for it!”

Today I am remembering this. God knows the thoughts I’m thinking before I do. If some big idea pops into my head – way bigger than I could ever pull off on my own – I’m gonna tell God about it. Why not? I figure that even if I’m a million miles off from His future plans for me, God will be pleased that I wanted to share it with Him. After all, God loves hearing that we believe He’s big enough to make it happen.

Remember, too. If someone shares a dream with you today, treat it as a delicate piece of fine china. They’re giving you a gift. They don’t have to tell you, you know? If you think it’s the craziest idea you’ve ever heard, keep it to yourself. I’ve shared ideas with friends over the years that within 24 hours I knew it was crazy and I didn’t even want to do it once I talked it out. But how grateful I’ve been to those friends who honored me by at least letting me share. Totally be myself. One author described them as “Balcony People.” The great encouragers in our lives, always cheering us on.

Have a great day!

May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. (2 Thes. 2:16)