When I Remember

Good Wed. morning. Val, thanks so much for your kind note.

Tomorrow afternoon my mini writer’s retreat begins. I’ve been helping with the preparations. This little writer family of ours has been talking about this weekend since last year. Really. Right afterwards, we began debriefings—what we loved, what we loved even more. Nobody hated any part of it, but we discovered there’s always a way to make the retreat better than the last.

Like our first night together. Traditionally, we’ve all met for dinner at a local restaurant. That’s been fun but even if we’re seated at the same table, it’s impossible to hear all the conversations because there’s too many of us. We’re a relational lot, and so this year we decided to scrap the restaurant and hang together at the home of our gracious host, where our yearly event is held.

I already know this first night will be a highlight. This is a very fun group of ladies and I know from the moment we gather, we’ll be laughing our heads off. We’ll cry some, too, probably because we’re all a tender lot. Sitting around the barbecue table outside, we’ll be able to see each other face to face, each one receiving our undivided attention while she shares about her life over the last year. We regularly keep in contact through email so we’re not clueless about what’s been going on in the major areas. Unless, of course, there are those who experienced something particularly difficult that they felt uncomfortable sharing through an email. Actually, wouldn’t that be true of most of us from time to time?

But it will be a night of remembering and y’all know how I love that word. We’ll be thanking God for those who have enjoyed publishing success, some for the first time. We’ll be thanking God for bringing us through the year through various trials, health, finances, and just the stuff of life that can wear us down.

We’ll talk about our current struggles and challenges. Some may be writing-related, others may be not. For while it is writing that brought this little section of the Body of Christ together, it is Christ who ultimately holds us together. And we all know, whatever is going on in our lives personally will affect what we write—on some level—whether suspense or sweet romance or anything in between.

Then we’ll pray for each other. That’s gonna be sweet!

For all my excitement, though, I suddenly got a little scared. What are you scared of? I asked myself. I asked God. Surprisingly, it took me no time to figure it out.

In some ways, I’m disappointed because I had a couple of goals that I thought I would have met by now. One I could have achieved if I’d been more self controlled—like lose the weight I planned on. I have all these cute pair of shorts that I could have worn, and I wouldn’t have had to lose that much to be able to wear them. But alas, I didn’t lose that weight so I’m not wearing those cute shorts. There’s a couple of other things to. You know. Just stuff.

I don’t know about you, but for me, maybe because God knows how my brain works, He pays really close attention to when I turn this corner and start thinking about the ways I didn’t change since last year. A bit of self examination is always good for the soul and a reunion has a way of stirring that. But God in His incredible graciousness said, okay, you’re right. So, you fell short in this way and those other ways you’re thinking about. Today’s a new day. You can purpose in your heart—again—to make changes in these areas. But I have a couple more important questions to ask you:

Do you love Me more than you did this time last year? Do you love people more than you did last year? Do you care more about what’s important to Me than you did last year.

I do, Lord, I answered. And I want to love you more. I want to love people more. I want to care way more about things you care about.

Then from my perspective, Gayle—the eternal one, the one that counts—you’ve met my goal. Just keep your eyes on Me and you’ll be just fine.

So I’m encouraged. God’s good at that, you know. He loves to remind me of the good work He’s already done in me. He’s done mighty good things in my life this year. I have a million reasons to be grateful to Him. And I am. It’s just that the devil tries to get us to focus on where we’re lacking, making us feel bad about it. But God says, admit your lack, turn to Me, and I will fill it.

Funny, how a reunion among dear friends could stir all that in my heart, and that’s not even the half of it. I’m grateful that the Lord exposed this potential joy buster right at the start. God is the best at damage control when I let Him. Now my heart is filled simply with the delightful anticipation of seeing all my buddies tomorrow and hearing about what God has done in their lives. So much strength comes from being together.

I will have no time to post Friday morning, so I will see you back on Monday. Probably a little tired but a heart filled to the brim with the joy and fellowship of being with my friends.Have a great weekend! I love this verse for the future “hope” has turned into tomorrow’s reality for us all:

I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete. (2 John 13)

Gloriously sunny day here in Northern Idaho. It’s going to be a busy week for me. Working here in my office through Wednesday and then Thursday, I join several writing buddies here in town for our annual four-day brainstorming retreat. These gals have become so dear and besides brainstorming novel plots, we laugh till our stomachs hurt, or maybe that’s from eating too much good food. It’s going to be a blast and I can’t wait.

I’m reading Anne Lamott’s delightful book Operating Instructions: A journal of My Son’s First Year.” Anne writes with such raw transparency and humor about her life as a new single mom and the range of emotions she’s experiencing raising her son alone. I admire that.

On Day 30, she shares a powerful entry about the innate struggle she has (by extension, we all have, I say) to relinquish to God complete control over our lives. Even if we haven’t done such a hot job, our human nature still resists not controlling it ourselves. Anne then relays the following story. I’ve heard numerous analogies and metaphors about God being in control, but the simplicity of this one is unparalleled for me:

“I heard this old man speak when I was pregnant, someone who had been sober for fifty years, a very prominent doctor. He said that he’d finally figured out a few years ago that his profound sense of control, in the world and over his life, is another addiction and a total illusion. He said that when he sees little kids sitting in the backseat of cars, in those car seats that have steering wheels, with grim expressions of concentration on their faces, clearly convinced that their efforts are causing the car to do whatever it is doing, he thinks of himself and his relationship with God: God who drives along silently, gently amused, in the driver’s seat.”(1)

I love that. Have a great week everybody.

Cease striving and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10, NAS)

(1) Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year. Ballantine Books 1993.

Good Wednesday morning,

There are a handful of people in my life right now whom I find quite annoying. I’m also annoyed by these two yappy little dogs next door that bark every time another dog goes by. In each of these circumstances, I have good reason. The people who are bugging me have done some things that are verifiably irritating. And as for the dogs, I’m sure I’m not the only neighbor who wishes these yappy little dogs would get laryngitis. Can dogs even get laryngitis? Now that’s wishful thinking.

By last night, to those who live out of state and our communications are through e-mail only, I felt like telling them to just be quiet. Yet, the Lord made it really clear that I was not to do any such thing but to just ignore them. After all, they’re not hurting you, He said. They’re just bugging you. Read (take a chill pill, Gayle).

God allows this to happen quite often. He brings difficult people into our lives to sand down the rough edges in our personality. Oh yes, I would like to think that I am such a wonderfully sweet, reasonable person that nobody could possibly perceive me as difficult. However, after living on this planet for five decades, I imagine this is not true.

Funny, just now thought of my second grade teacher, Mrs. Snow, came into my mind. I was such a chatter box in class, my teacher decided (or maybe my mom decided, I forget), that the best remedy was that she write a note home each day to my mother informing her whether I’d been good. I wonder just how many evenings when Mrs. Snow recounted her day to her husband she threw up her hands and said, “Well, that Gayle. She’s really a sweet girl, always smiling, but she can’t sit still and she’s always talking in class. By the end of the day, she’s given me a headache.” Maybe Mrs. Snow thought I was difficult.

Anyway, you get my point.

Now about the dogs. Last night, for just a moment, I thought, how would I handle this situation if I gave no thought to consequences, no thought to the owner’s feelings, and no thought to how I was perceived by my neighbors?

That was easy.

I’d have thrown open the screen door on my balcony and screamed from the top of my lungs–using expletives that would have gotten my mouth washed out with an entire bar of soap by my mother growing up—and told the dogs to SHUT UP. Of course, they wouldn’t have known I was yelling at them. The owner would know I was really yelling at her in essence. And that would have been a very cowardly way of handling the whole situation.

I didn’t do this, aren’t you glad to know?

The Lord and I talked a bit more about the dogs this morning. And my pesky momentary nemeses. As far as the people, well, I’ve been good from the start to keep my feelings in check. Just need to keep guarding my tongue and keep my paws off the old keyboard.

And speaking of paws, the Lord said, “You don’t like your neighbor at all because of her dogs. You don’t even want to try to get to know her. You don’t like her dogs so you don’t like her.” Yikes, He had that right. God has no problem being blunt sometimes.. In all fairness to her, these are not evil dogs and they don’t bark incessantly. That really would put me over the edge since I work from my home. No, it’s mainly in the evening. Maybe they’re just tired because it’s late.

So what am I going to do about this stinky attitude of mine? Well, I already confessed it. Now I’m thinking it’s time to go over and introduce myself to my neighbor. I should have done that a month ago.

Seems to me that most of what’s involved in walking out my life as a Christian in a way that honors God and shows His love and grace to those around me is wrapped up in these every day, moment-by-moment situations. That bugs me, too, but it makes sense this is the way God would do it. Have to depend on Him more this way. The good thing is that with so many opportunities to be a good witness for Christ, even when I mess up a few in the course of a day, there’s always another one right around the corner to do the right thing.

No averages here, mind you. No earning points. No at-the-end-of-the-day tallies to report back to God about how I did. No notes home to my mother. Life from God’s perspective just doesn’t work that way. I’ll never be good enough and I’ll never do all the right things on any given day. Neither will you. Even the thought is ludicrous.

Every day, I need God’s grace and I need His mercy—with people and with dogs. Lots of other stuff, too. But what I can do this morning is this: I can resolve to be a little kinder today than I was yesterday.

Maybe I should buy the doggies a bone. And as far as the folks bugging me, I’ve started praying for them. Harder to be mad at someone when you’re praying for them, you know?

Have a great day.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Good Monday morning!

This weekend I made another investment into my new business, WordCount. I purchased Microsoft’s FrontPage, a web design software. On Friday night I confidently walked into the office supply to purchase my upgrade. Though MS Professional Office Suite didn’t include FrontPage, it was the most comprehensive version, so I was under the impression from the earlier reading that it wasn’t required in this case to purchase the upgrade only.

Still, I read the back of the box again just to make sure. Yep, I had a prior version of a Microsoft Suite so I wouldn’t need to buy the full version. The clerk seemed a little concerned that I was so confident about the upgrade. Are you sure all you need is the upgrade? You can’t return opened software. Yes, I’m sure, I said. Well, okay, then and she rung up my purchase.

About an hour later, I called another office supply store and asked how much they charged for the FrontPage upgrade. Just seemed after I’d left that first store, I remembered seeing at another for about $30 less. The man returns with a price check. I was right. So, I decide to return it the next day to the one store, and purchase it at the other. Thank you, Lord. So grateful I hadn’t opened the box.

But before I’d hung up, the clerk says to me, are you sure you want the upgrade only? Same hesitation as the gal in the other store. Yes, I’m very sure, and then I explain why it is I’m so sure. He challenges a bit, but I say thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.

The next day, I head out to the second store to purchase my FrontPage upgrade. The clerk comes up to me and asks if I’m finding everything all right. Yes, thank you. Just need to get the FrontPage upgrade. He asks me if I have a prior version of FrontPage on my computer. No, I say, but that’s okay because I have the MS Professional Suite and that’s sufficient criteria for buying the upgrade. I don’t need the full version. He challenges. I state my reason once again.

But, Ma’am, if you discover you’ve bought the wrong one after you’ve broken the seal on the box, you can’t return it. Yes, I understand this. But as I’ve said, I know I only need the upgrade. Again, I repeat my reason.

Are you the one who called last night? he asks.

Again, he expresses his concern and again I try to tell him he has no reason to be concerned. He points to the criteria on the box, and I said, yes, see, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I meet this criteria!

But look, there’s more, he says, and he reads the next line.

Realization! The young clerk is absolutely right! I am wrong. I do need the full version! Talk about fine print. Yikes!

That’s why he was so persistent. Didn’t matter how many times I explained to him why I was right, he knew I was wrong. So here I’ve put this kid, maybe 21, in the position of not wanting to argue with the customer, trying to be respectful to me. Yet he knew full well I was about to walk out of the store with this upgrade and would soon be kicking myself for spending all this money for a product that wouldn’t do me a bit of good but now I couldn’t return.

Thank you so much, I say again. I tell him I’m not normally a stubborn person, I’m really not. I was just so sure you were wrong, I say. That’s okay, he says. I just didn’t want you to take it home and then realize you couldn’t use it.

Nice kid.

Told him I so appreciated him standing up to me so respectfully, knowing I thought he was wrong. That’s a tricky thing to do. Can’t remember how I put it exactly, but he understood my point. He saved me a lot of money. Well, I ended up spending twice as much because I did need the full version, but I would have spent even more than that had he not persisted.

I was still thinking about this when another incident happened yesterday. Through a particular e-mail exchange on a public forum, I witnessed someone handle a situation poorly. This individual’s comments should have been made privately but he chose to make them publicly. His careless words caused significant discomfort and sadness for many on this forum for several hours following.

Though entirely different situations, these two examples reminded me of a critical component of graceful, artful communication: When I’m tempted to speak and I know my words could potentially cause conflict, what’s my motivation in doing so? If I genuinely have the other person’s well being in mind, then I must be willing to endure the uneasiness that may follow—just as the store clerk did with me.

Conversely, if I’m just speaking my mind to make me feel better—to get something off my chest—this is not acceptable. As a Christian, I simply do not have the luxury to spout off whatever I want at will. I do believe that honestly is the best policy. And yet our goal in being honest should be to strengthen our relationships with others. If our “honesty” only creates havoc with no redemptive purpose in mind, then we best just keep out mouths shut, me thinks.

Have a great Monday all!

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,
But the mouth of fools spouts folly …
A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:1,2, 4 NAS)