When I Remember

Happy Friday. I’m ready for the weekend.

This has been a very difficult week for me emotionally and spiritually. If I knew each of you personally who were reading this, I might tell you some of the reasons why. None of them are earth shattering. But roll them all together and throw in a couple of variables that makes it even harder right now, and I find them overwhelming. Today my circumstances don’t feel manageable at all. This trial is too big for me.

Maybe, you too, are in a similar season. As for me, I know more than ever, I must walk in Truth. I know I say that a lot. If you’re getting tired of hearing this, you probably don’t want to be reading my blog. Because here’s the deal. I suspect this trial ain’t gonna end any time soon nor the co-trials associated with it. It’ just a season of refining for me. That’s all.

I don’t mean, that’s all, like in, no big deal. It’s a very big deal. What I mean is, what’s happening is not complicated. It’s hard and scary and not much fun, but there’s nothing “unique” about it. If I listed what is troubling me right now, chances are you would say the same of either yourself or a loved one. You know it hurts because you’re in the same place! Or if not exactly the same place, similar enough that you can relate.

So, the point of writing this is not to complain that this is a hard time. And that it may stay hard for awhile. Rather, my goal is to encourage you, remind you that God is purposeful. His goal is to mature me not ruin my life. He knows how much I can take. I am positive that He and I don’t agree on what is “too much,” but I know that He is a better judge than I. Any time I felt like truly, enough was enough and I couldn’t handle any more, He did change the circumstances. So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe today is the day that God ends the trial.

I would really like that.

With my emotions all over the map, there is one thing I have purposed in my heart. I absolutely will not insult my precious Lord by making childish and insulting remarks to Him like “If You loved me, You would take away this hard time.” Or, You must not love me as much as You say, because I have asked you a hundred times to change this situation, and You just won’t.” No, I refuse to do this. My God is good. All He does is good. And in the end, I’ll see the value of this season. Even now, I see good in it. I’m just weary of it and I want the trial to be done. God knows this.

At the end of my life I may look back at this time and see it was a tiny trial compared to those which came later. Or, I might view it as unquestionably one of the hardest trials I ever had. Either way, there’s one thing I know. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I do not want to waste my sorrows. I want them to yield their perfect result.

This morning I sat on the couch with my open Bible and mug of coffee, just like I do every morning. Except this morning, in all my fear and discouragement, tears streamed down my face. I didn’t feel close to God at all. He seemed far away, and I was frustrated that He seemed unwilling to give me any answer as to when this trial would be over. (See the civil war within? I believe God for all He says, but then I see my circumstances and I get afraid all over again).

I did want to hear from God but I wasn’t expecting to – so unlike me. (See that’s the enemy of our souls whispering in my ear saying “God doesn’t care.”) You just cannot listen to that. I read two passages from two different devotionals.

The first was this, plain and simple:

I the LORD do not change. (Malachi 3:6)

This encouraged my soul deeply because I know how faithful God has acted through the ages and how faithful He’s been with me. What was important to God from the start is important to Him now. He loved me first, He will love me always perfectly. He will never leave me nor forsake me.

And the second:

Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again.
(Psalm 71:19-21)

The entire psalm is chalk full of encouraging words and I’m hard pressed to pick which ministers to me most. Oh I just have to share this part, too:

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.
Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me;
for you are my rock and my fortress.
(Psalm 41:1-3)

God will not allow my foot to slip. He will not. And He will not allow your foot to slip either. That’s a promise.

Have a great weekend everybody. Would it surprise you if I said that my heart is not quite as heavy as it was even 15 minutes ago?

See you Monday.

Happy first day of June. Wow! If I have any readers out there who just graduated or are about to graduate from high school or college, congratulations! I still haven’t put away my Christmas cards and now it’s June.

In some ways, I feel like I am walking in the dark right now. Last week, I suspected God was about to close a door to a specific job opportunity that I thought He had just opened. I had two significant reservations about this position, yet there was a wonderfully unique aspect to it. I genuinely felt this might be the direction God now wanted to take me in light of recent insights He had given me.

Well, I didn’t get the job. I was disappointed but also relieved. Perhaps those reservations were more notable than I’d even considered. When I thought I might be offered the job, I began this paradigm shift immediately. I thought about purchasing a new wardrobe or whether that would even be necessary. Maybe I should change the oil on the car today, maybe get my hair cut, just in case I started next week

Then I got the news. After I spent a while licking my wounds, I realized what was most disappointing was not that I hadn’t been offered the job. Rather, it was not knowing what God was doing in life next after all.

Again.

Thing is, I do have clear direction for how I’m spending this whole day, even through the end of the week. So to say I don’t have direction is not entirely true. It just feels like I don’t have direction. I’m not the kind of gal who wants to know what’s way down the road. Generally I’m okay with God dispensing information to me on a need-to-know basis. Yet I’m so ready to receive a peek into God’s long-term direction. Yes, I know what I’m to do next. I’m just not sure about next week.

Fact is, if I need to know something, God will tell me. If He withholds information or He imparts information, it’s all for my good and His glory. He’s not a tease and He doesn’t set His children up. So here’s my take on last week:

For some reason, God decided it was worth it for me to get dressed, head out for this interview, do my best, think I might have the job, realize I don’t, be sad for one set of reasons, be relieved for another set, and then go through the exercise of letting the job go entirely and moving on to what He clearly has for me today. I’ve done that, I’m happy to say. Good thing. I need my energy for new tasks before me!

I thought of this analogy. I love to camp, though I’m not crazy about making the trek from my campsite to the restroom late at night when it’s pitch black except for the moon. So I grab my flashlight and turn it all the way so the light casts a large circle in front of me opposed to a smaller one if you only turn it slightly.

As I choose to trust God when I just don’t know understand what’s going on around me, it’s like turning on my flashlight fully. His Word becomes a light to my path and lamp to my feet in the darkness. And yet, no matter how efficiently I’m using that flashlight, I’m still only going to be able to take one step at a time. It’s dark outside and I need to walk carefully.

There have been seasons in my life that I’ve walked with great clarity. I knew exactly what came next. This season evidently isn’t one of them. So what if I can’t rattle off where I hope I’ll be in six months from now? Or five years from now? I do know what I’m up to in the most important way: In six months from now, I plan on being more firmly established in the grace of God and loving Him even more than I do today! And as far as any decisions I need to make? Well, as I spend time with the Lord, meditating on His Word, He will give me the wisdom and discernment to make them.

I must not feel like I’m doing something wrong when my “flashlight appears only so bright.” God’s not asking me to try to figure out anything. God does not play games with His children and He’s certainly not “playing me.” He loves me. Circumstances may appear confusing but God Himself is not a God of confusion.

I know this to be true. There are so many aspects of my life right now that are quite exciting. Some too personal to share. But God is good and He is taking very good care of me. I’ve got no complaints. A few trials, yes, but no complaints.

Please tell me some of you can relate to some of what I’ve shared!

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. (Isaiah 50:10 NIV)

Hope y’all are having a blessed Memorial Day weekend. The weather has been beautiful and I’ve done just what I said I would – played all weekend with my friend. We’ve enjoyed walks, a short bike ride, one picnic, and taken a couple of beautiful scenic drives.

On our excursions, I saw folks cycling, sailing, walking, hiking, mowing their lawns, sitting out on their porches, barbecuing, washing their cars, sun bathing at the lake, fishing, boating, gardening, roller blading, playing badminton and basketball.

So many wonderful ways to spend a beautiful day here in the Northwest.

And that got me thinking. There’s not just one great way to spend a day, nor a month, nor a life. There’s not only one right job, or mate, or place to live. God’s more creative than that. Different seasons offer their unique opportunities and challenges. Sometimes we have choices that are polar opposite, but either could be just as great. You can’t be married and single at the same time, but both are good. You can’t live in the country and the city at the same time but still both have their advantages. Maybe that’s why Neapolitan ice cream was created. So you would have one less choice in life to make.

There’s been times in my life where my friends are out doing something fun. I would love to join them but I’m off doing something else that was fun. Later when I catch up with them, they’ll say, “You should have been there. You really missed something great. We had so much fun.” “I had fun, too,” I’ll tell them. “Wish I could have been in two places at once, but obviously couldn’t.:

I love hearing how God blesses people in so many different ways in the course of a day.

It is good to desire to make the most of our days. Spend them wisely because we never know how many we’ll have. I love it when God gives me some time to play, especially on a sunny 80-degree-day. Today it will be just as pretty as it’s been all weekend, but I can’t play all of today. Have some things I must do inside. Boring things. But they need to be done, and that’s life, too.

In the middle of it all, the Lord reminds me to rest in Him. I don’t want to be spending a ton of energy trying to decide whether I’m making the best choice every moment. I want to take God’s Word at face value. “Walk by the Spirit and you won’t carry out the desire of the flesh,” Paul instructs in Galatians. That is, I won’t be so inclined to yield to those temptations to sin when I’ve saturated my heart and mind with His Word. Helps me to think the way God thinks. And if I draw near to God, He promises to draw near to me. Amazing.

But then there’s a broader application as well. Walk by the Spirit and I’ll be a little more balanced in choosing between many good things, honorable things. Things where God has given His blessing but I still can’t do them all in one day.

So as for me today, I plan on taking a nice long walk and a bike ride. But I’ll also do some work for my clients, and scrub my kitchen floor . . . maybe. No, probably won’t do that.

Blessings all. And to those of you who have ever served in our U.S. Military, to you who have lost a loved one in the military, and to you who presently have a loved one serving in the military, please accept my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you.

May God bless you richly today whatever you’re up to.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength.”
(Isaiah 30:15)

Happy Friday!

Memorial Day. Three-day-weekend. Lots of sunshine forecasted here in the Inland Northwest. I definitely plan on being outside for most of the weekend.

A dear friend is driving over from Seattle this afternoon. She’s never been here in Coeur d’ Alene, so I’m excited about exploring with her since I’ve only lived here a little less than two years myself. We plan to take lots of long walks and do some cycling, too. Maybe go on a picnic or two. I welcome the time of refreshment with my friend.

I’ve been noticing something. God has given me numerous spiritual rest stops lately. There are some particularly trying circumstances in my life presently that are testing my faith considerably. Some trials are short and intense, others maybe not quite so intense but seem to go on forever. I’m experiencing the latter.

By God’s grace, I’m hanging in there okay. Yet it’s the fact that this trial just doesn’t seem to end that is making me weary. Oh, it will end, I know. I just don’t know when exactly. The weariness comes not from any lack of faith but just the effort it takes to walk in Truth, to believe God is who He says He is. I am positive God knows what He’s doing but I just haven’t understood some of His decisions over the last few months. I fear even now, He’s made yet another that confuses me. He’s not doing things the way I’d like Him to. Not only in my life but in the lives of some of my friends. He’s moving too slowly if He’s acting at all.

But those are just my feelings. Fact is God is always working. This I believe. And it helps me to remember my card game analogy. “God’s always got the trump card.” These circumstances will produce fruit in my life, I know. In the middle, though, I’m just finding myself a bit soul weary. I know y’all can relate! This is life on Planet Earth.

Yet what does my gracious God do for me? He sends me a friend to visit for the weekend. Now that’s blessing enough because Kjersten is very dear to me. But here’s the thing. She is soul weary, too. She needs refreshment far more than I. She’s facing some serious health issues and is in constant pain. Even still, she loves to walk and particularly enjoys cycling, so we will do both.

And all the while we’re out reveling in the sunshine and beautiful scenery here in Idaho, there’s one thing I can count on from my friend. And one thing she can count on from me. We will talk about God’s goodness and mercy and kindness to us. We’ll remember together His faithfulness. See, she and I have about 20 years of history so we don’t have to work too hard to think of ways He’s been kind to both of us! She’s a woman of the Word and Kjersten will be quick to tell me what God is teaching her about Himself, even now . . . especially now.

Yes, God has been so good to me. Kjersten is coming this afternoon. Two weeks ago I attended the women’s retreat at my “home church” in Seattle and saw friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. A few weeks before that I finally caught up with two other dear friends. This was the first time the three of had been together in over ten years! Oh yea, and one of those few other weekends I was home, yet another friend came to visit.

Now lest you think my home is a revolving door for weekend guests, nobody had come to visit in a year. They’ve all been here in the last couple of months. Just when I needed them most.

Besides the sheer fun and encouragement of seeing all these friends, you know what this does for my heart? It reminds me that God is paying very close attention to me. He knows that if things get too hard for too long, I may get discouraged, take my eyes off Him and focus on my circumstances. I don’t want to but it’s so easy to. So He sends friends to encourage me and for me to encourage. And with each visit, our hearts are strengthened and emboldened and refreshed. So like God to be gracious.

I hope you all have a great holiday. No matter your plans this weekend, God wants to show you how much He loves you. Let you know He cares. Refresh your soul. Your only part in this is to want Him to, believe Him that He wants to do this for you.

“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.” (The Apostle Paul, Romans 1:11,12)

With the school year wrapping up and students from elementary school to graduate school scrambling to finish projects and study for finals, I thought I’d share this story. Some lessons are learned in the “School of Hard Knocks.” Others are learned in a literal classroom. Forty years later, God is still getting mileage out of this one.